Lyrics:Shaving Brush Boogie

by XTC

("hey, Gregs, pick up the old Les Paul") Let me tell ya baby what to do I'll come round your house [spunk/spoke/smoke?] in your hair 'cause I'm a moron and I don't care Take it down a while ("Enter Terry Chambers on the [little/bloody?] drum kit, 'ere 'ere [terrificult]. Go bloody boil, Terry. Here he goes Ladies and Gentlemen - this is something you don't see very often, this is Terry Chambers from   [unintelligible...] on bloody boil.") I'm going to tell ya about my operation ladies and gentlemen now I was admitted into the hospital yes and I was admitted to the hospital by an ambulance with a siren on the top the siren was going (guitar imitation of siren) all the way to [the] hospital (indistinct shouting in background) You're going to have to turn the drums up now for the bass player you're going to have to turn the drums up real loud turn up the drums for the bass player cause he can't hear to get into this Take it down a while ("Ahem, ahem") To resume the story ladies and gentlemen I was on my way to hospital and I was in a ambulance and the driver in the ambulance turned round to me and he said (quizzical guitar riff) yes he turned round to me and he said (repeat) he said, "Son, I haven't worked on the, on the Red Cross just to take people like you with shaving brushes stuff up, stuck up your rectum to the hospital" (guitar riff) "yeah I said stuck up your rectum" (riff) "you got a shaving brush" (riff) "shaving brush" (riff) "you got a shaving brush stuck right up your rectum" (riff) "and I, and I didn't join the Red Cross" (riff) "to take people like you to hospital" But he said (laughs), he said, he said "I kind of like your face" (riff) "and I'm going to take you to" (riff) "I'm going to take you to the Colostomy Ward, I'm going to take you to Colostomy Ward, in Princess Margaret's Hospital" yeah, it was opened in 1967, ladies and gentlemen Yeah, we can see Princess Margaret opening this here hospital okay Princess, open that fucking hospital baby Okay Princess, let's take it down a while yeah, huh, yeah There was Princess Margaret opening a hospital there folks (giggles) Well in any case, this hospital was opened back in 1960-something-or-other, by Princess Marguerite and she's really sweet you know (giggles), she really [sucks cock] Princess Margaret [going down] on a whole damn band yeah Any case I was traveling in this ambulance, you know the one what was going (guitar-siren) all the way to the hospital, folks, yeah and I, you know I'd been up to some real extra-marital relationships with, you know, equipment, like uh, the shaving brush (riff) (giggles) the shaving brush (riff) well this was my [outing?] and I was, I was laid out on the bed and my brand-new wife that's the one with the long curly hair, she said to me "Babe I'm going to give you a real experience with this here shaving brush" (riff) and she took it and she stuck it in (riff) and I... well I liked it but it was only in having to go to Princess (riff) Margaret's (riff) hospital baby, baby, baby Princess Margaret's hospital opened in 1968 (someone else shouts "One, two, three, four!") Well for all you folks out there the record playing and [...] saga I [got ?] I was admitted to the Outpatients Department and I was well and truly impaled I said impaled and they took me to a private booth yeah a private booth and a nurse came up to me and she saw the shaving brush stickin' out and she leaned over for some - and she leaned right over a piece of me - tongs, she leaned over for some tongs and she took them tongs to the shaving brush and pulled it out, right out of me I said she pulled that shaving brush right out of me [Crank it up]