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I Have Returned was Ray Stevens' twenty-second studio album and his second for MCA Records, released in 1985. The pictures on both the front and the back of the album were taken in the Mississippi Sound near Biloxi, Mississippi according to the album credits. Those sharp in the history of America's participation in World War II will immediately recognize that Stevens is spoofing Douglas MacArthur, a General that served in the war and "I Have Returned" is one of his famous quotes. "The Haircut Song" and "The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone" were released as singles from the album. "Santa Claus Is Watching You" is a re-recording of Stevens' 1960's pop single and was re-issued as a country single around the time of the album's release and was made into a popular music video.

Stevens later re-recorded "The Pirate Song" on his 1991 album #1 With a Bullet and re-recorded the song a third time in 2000 for a music video found on Funniest Video Characters.

The first track, "Thus Cacked Henrietta", is a rendition of Richard Strauss' "Also Sprach Zarathustra", performed in chicken clucks. However, it's only the popular fanfare portion of the musical number and obviously not the entire performance, which lasts over thirty minutes, broken into various parts. The rendition by Stevens lasts a little over 1 minute and was his first chicken-clucking performance since 1977's "In the Mood," released under the alias "The Henhouse Five Plus Too."


 [hide*1 Track listing

Track listing[edit][]

Side 1
No. Title Writer(s) Length
1. "Thus Cacked Henrietta" (a/k/a Also Sprach Zarathustra) arranged by Ray Stevens 1:20
2. "Hugo (The Human Cannonball)"   Ray Stevens, C.W. Kalb, Jr., Carlene Kalb 3:47
3. "Vacation Bible School"   C.W. Kalb, Jr., Carlene Kalb 3:28
4. "Armchair Quarterback"   Bobby Russell 3:30
5. "The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone, Part 1"   Glenn SuttonLarry Cheshier 3:44
6. "The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone, Part 2"   Glenn SuttonLarry Cheshier 4:25
Side 2
No. Title Writer(s) Length
1. "Kiss a Pig"   C.W. Kalb, Jr., Carlene Kalb 3:05
2. "The Haircut Song"   Mike Neun, Ray Stevens, C.W. Kalb, Jr. 6:11
3. "The Pirate Song (I Want to Sing and Dance)"   C.W. Kalb, Jr., Carlene Kalb 4:43
4. "Punk Country Love"   Ray Stevens, C.W. Kalb, Jr., Carlene Kalb 3:36
5. "Santa Claus Is Watching You"   Ray Stevens 3:21

Album credits[edit][]

  • Arranged & Produced by: Ray Stevens
  • Engineer: Stuart Keathley
  • Recorded at: Ray Stevens Studio, Nashville, Tennessee
  • Mastered by: Glenn Meadows at Masterfonics


  • Keyboards & Synthesizers: Ray Stevens
  • Drums: Jerry Carrigan & Jerry Kroon
  • Bass: Jack Williams
  • Electric Guitars: Steve Gibson
  • Rhythm Guitars: Mark Casstevens
  • Banjo: Mark Casstevens
  • Dobro: Steve Gibson
  • Saxophone: Denis Solee
  • Trombone: Roger Bissell
  • Trumpet: Ray Stevens
  • Tympani: Ray Stevens
  • Background Vocals: Lisa Silver, Diane Tidwell, Wendy Suits, Ray Stevens
  • Art Direction: Ray Stevens & Slick Lawson
  • Design: Simon Levy
  • Photography: Slick Lawson
  • Production: Susan Scott
  • Landing Craft: Vincent J. Fusca, III, Captain USMC, 4th PLT (REIN) CO. A, 4th ASLT AMPH BN, USMCR, Gulfport, MS
  • Special Thanks To: Pony Maples-Weapons, Faye Sloan Costumes, George Nalley-Stevens Aviation

Chart performance[edit][]


Chart (1985) Peak


U.S. Billboard Top Country Albums 1


Year Single Peak positions
US Country
1985 "The Haircut Song" 45
1986 "The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone" 50
Preceded by

Won't Be Blue Anymore by Dan Seals

Top Country Albums number-one album

March 15, 1986

Succeeded by

Greatest Hits by Earl Thomas Conley